jump to navigation

Not My Brilliant Words, But Pretty Funny September 15, 2011

Posted by stuffilikenet in Books, Brilliant words, Uncategorizable.

“I thought I was joking when I invented a Wodehouse/Lovecraft novel opening for Dave Wood’s silly collaborations competition. The Inimitable Cthulhu, of course:

‘In the spring, Jeeves, a livelier iris gleams upon the burnished dove.’

‘So I have been informed, sir.’

‘Right ho! Then bring me my whangee, my yellowest shoes, and the old green Homburg. I’m going into the Park to do nameless, blasphemous rites descended from a shuddering and unhallowed tradition, amid shrieking, slithering, torrential shadows of red viscous madness chasing one another through endless, ensanguined corridors of purple fulgurous sky … forests of monstrous overnourished oaks with serpent roots twisting and sucking unnameable juices from an earth verminous with millions of cannibal devils … insane lightning over malignant ivied walls and demon arcades choked with fungous vegetation … and then a snifter at the Drones, what?’

‘I fancy not, sir. The Dark Priestess of the Esoteric Order of Dagon is in the sitting-room and desires to speak to you.’

Iä! Iä! Aunt Agatha!’

… but little did I know that an erudite American, Peter Cannon, was busily writing Scream for Jeeves (New York, Wodecraft Press, 1994), a slim collection which really does re-run Lovecraft staples like ‘The Rats in the Walls’ and ‘Cool Air’ as Jeeves/Wooster larks – the latter story acquiring the well-judged Wodehousian title ‘Something Foetid’. (By the way, my own favourite entry for that collaboration game began ‘He was one hundred and seventy days dying and not yet dead. He fought for survival with the passion of a beast in a trap. He was delirious and rotting, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin.’ – yes, it’s the Bester/Milne Tigger! Tigger! – US edition titled The Stairs My Destination)”


I found this quote in the archives of Cloud Chamber, but I think I first read it in The List Which Cannot Be Named (pre-WWW vintage).  I never forgot it.  Scream for Jeeves turns out to be available on Amazon, and I would like it if you would go there right now and click the link next to it demanding a Kindle book version…since it’s out of print and copies run like US$30.  That’s real money to you Brits, like twenty pounds or so.


No comments yet — be the first.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: